Chronicles of Father Snack
by DoceoPercepto
Summary: This is the daunting and totally epic tale of a young soul, whose life was tragically taken too soon... Weird crack parody of Worlds!
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING!: **1.) Do not read this story unless you have read Worlds, or you will be severely confused. Though you will be severely confused anyway 2.) This contains crack, randomness, and will only get worse in future chapters 3.) This story is not like any of my other ones. I have no idea why I wrote this. :D It is the story of Snack, our beloved side character who had no purpose but to be killed 4.) the title will make sense later

**A/N:** This is going to be a three part story, Life, Afterlife, and Confession. Since Confession has MAJOR spoilers, I won't post that until Worlds is finished. Afterlife has slight spoilers, but I'll warn you beforehand . I fully understand if you question my reasons in writing this, and never again want to see this thing. That's perfectly fine with me! In fact, I'd advise you don't read this unless your an odd one like me. Enjoy! or not ;)

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><p><strong>Chronicles of Father Snack<strong>

**Part 1: Life**

This is the daunting and totally epic tale of a young soul, whose life was tragically taken too soon. Who is it, you ask, whom possessed an indefatigable determination, an unwavering courage and indomitable spirit?

None other than a young waddle dee we are all familiar with - or perhaps not yet. We know not the name he was given at birth: in fact, this heroic dee's past is shrouded in a veil of mystery we may never uncover. We can only presume this unnamed dee suffered a horribly dark, tragic, and mysterious past.

Based upon historical fact, we can also determine that some trial in his life drove him to leave his home planet and take refuge on the ocean planet of Aquarius, for that is where we first hear of him. How can I be so sure Aquarius isn't his home planet, you are wondering? Don't ask stupid questions, reader.

It was on Aquarius where true tragedy befell him in the most unfortunate manner. This poor unnamed dee, seeking only peace from his inner demons, wandered the woods midday, with the bright sun gleaming above. He contemplated deep subjects we cannot hope to comprehend, when his ingenious train of thought slammed its brakes, skidded on the tracks, and came to a painfully screeching halt. A voice carried through the woods, though dee mistakenly thought he had been alone.

It was a song, haunting and dark, and it struck fear in his soul.

What creature would sing such a song; a song of a twisted wonderland, of ensnared dreamers, and curious Alice's?

Blasphemy! He had half a mind to tell off whomever it was to stop singing such morbid songs, but when the character known to us as Marx emerged from the trees with an insane glint shading his purple eyes, the words faltered upon his lips. Marx seemed pleasantly surprised to see another being in the forest, and he paused for idle chat; a small talk in which it was revealed to dee the deterioration of the other's mental stability.

Then, the innocent dee (who totally didn't say something caustic and unnecessary to provoke the attack) found himself victim to the unholy wrath of a miniscule, confused jester - I mean, incredibly powerful and evil demon.

Luckily the spherical hero known as Kirby rescued him and saved him from a painful death.

Still, three long slashes marred his once beautiful skin. If this were not bad enough, his enemies did not hang around to either apologize or offer condolences. They ran right off, leaving him alone to suffer.

As if representing - or perhaps amplifying - the terrible situation he had been unmercifully thrust in, rain began pouring down upon him, and him alone.

Yes, a lone cloud dumping all its sorrows on the dee while bright sunshine shone shiningly bright everywhere else. For 100 days and 100 nights he trudged onward, overcoming starvation, thirst and blood loss with the sheer power of his will. Then, finally, the cloud began to clear away, and sunshine shone once more in all its shiny shilling-like shine glory shining stature shore shell hi shine.

Unfortunately, Fate really loved kicking him when things were just starting to look shiny.

An iniquitous mass of pure darkness suddenly crashed over the sunlight, and devoured the land of Aquarius. Dee staggered back as the blackness reared above him, but there was nothing our hero could do. He whipped out a sword and used magically ninja moves to deflect the darkness as long as he could. Only a skilled master like him could display such excellent ability, might I add.

The darkness, however, was stronger than ten thousand suns, and it flooded over him.

Hours later he woke once more, warped and ravaged by the demonic realm known as Caecus Atrox. It was a truly horrible experience, and as he struggled to take a breath, he knew, surely, surely, the forces above could do no more to him.

Yet, the morbid and severely screwed up forced above, whom we cannot so much as guess the identity of, were not done playing with its newfound toy. At that very moment, the infamous necromantic trees around him were ripped up in a swirling suction. They were quickly sucked up by a familiar figure; the pink hero whom had rescued him yesterda- 100 days and 100 nights ago. Only that crazy look had transferred to his blue eyes, and as his mouth opened wide more, the dee knew this was the end of his ever-so mysterious and intriguing life. Sure enough the dee was captured in a vortex of air, and was unmercifully swallowed by the puffball.

Everything dramatically went dark.

Thus began the dee's new life...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I have three things to apologize for. 1.) Your lost sanity by reading this chapter 2.) The epic shortness of this chapter 3.) Toast. You will understand later

Ahem... warning, contains spoilers for chapter 16 of There Are Worlds Beyond This One. DO NOT READ if you have not first read chapter 16. Unless you have no intention of reading that story at all, in which case shame upon your soul.

Hi Kitzy-kat! Toast is in here!

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><p>Dee woke nestled in a fluffy white cloud. Fate spoke to him, telling him he had died and gone to heaven. In addition to this, his new name was Snack, due to his manner of death. Then Fate left to do more important things, and Snack began his new 'life.' The horrific final events that marred his actual life instilled within him a deep fear of evil, demons, and above all else, Marx. He had this great and enlightening epiphany, which revealed to him that his ultimate goal in the afterlife was to become a priest.<p>

Snack became very devoted to this task: he could be found day and night dwelling in the peaceful clouds, the bible held between his hands and a cross clutched tightly in his fist. In fact, he carried a cross always with him to ward off any unexpected attackers, though it was useless when he was ravaged by nightmares.

Gradually, through much studying and work, Snack achieved his afterlife-long goal and entered priesthood. Now called Father Snack, he spent his days preaching and talking to his newfound friends, Sword and Escargon, whom had also joined heaven recently.

One day Sword Knight approached him and admitted he had fallen in love. However he was afraid the one he loved did not love him back.

Father Snack drew from his (for some reason quite expansive) store of knowledge on romance and gave his dear knightly friend advice. Using Father Snack's suggestions, Sword won the love of his love who loved him, its lover. Their love blossomed like an exploding sun, scalding everything in their paths. It was a beautiful thing. I could go on in much detail about their relationship, but this is the daunting and totally epic tale of _Father Snack_, not Sword, and that is a story for another time... which Fate might possibly write for us after this.

Sword Knight returned to the church and introduced his mysterious lover to Father Snack. The lover's name was Toast, which is really quite fitting because the he-she-it-thing was a piece of toast. It had once been bread, but due to a very tragic incident with a toaster, Toast died and had gone to heaven as toast. Sword loved it very dearly, and confessed that he wanted to marry it.

Father Snack had never seen Sword so happy, and he instantly agreed to marry them. It was kind of like Romeo and Juliet, only they didn't have opposing families, it hadn't been true love at first sight, and Sword had never loved anyone before. Oh, and they were dead from the start. I guess that means it isn't much like Romeo and Juliet.

The very following day, they all gathered in the church, which was specially decorated for the wedding, and the occasion commenced. Father Snack recited lines from the bible until at last it was time for the final vows.

"Do you, Sword Knight, take the beautiful man-woman, Toast, to be your beloved wiband?"

"I do." Sword Knight said, his eyes shining with true love. Seriously. They shone so bright that Escargon had to run up and stuff a cloth in his visor to keep from blinding Toast.

"Do you, Toast, take this handsome hunk of armor, Sword Knight, to be your husband?"

"I do," Toast said. I'm not really if she actually had eyes, but she was so happy she began to crust and flake.

"You may kiss the broom," Father Snack finished, closing the bible.

Sword leaned forward and pressed his lips to the toast, someone completely defying the fact he was wearing a helmet. Escargon showered rose petals over them, and all three went skipping off into the perfect sunset.

Father Snack returned to studying the bible, with a huge smile upon his face. It was like an enormous epiphany had once more come to him, and suddenly he was happier than ever. He loved being a priest, and he loved heaven, and he loved his friends. No longer did nightmares haunt him, nor fear burden him.

Happiness was at last attained.

Yet Fate loomed as an invisible shadow in the background. Her dark eyes narrowed with delicious malice, an evil plan sparking to life within her morbid mind. She rubbed her hands together like a stereotypical cliche villain and grinned sardonically.

Father Snack was hopelessly unaware his destiny was darkening...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chronicles of Father Snack**

**Final Chapter: Confession**

Oftentimes people in heaven needed reassurance of their purpose in being there, or they even committed sins which they wanted atonement for. Free will_ did_ still exist, so the inhabitants of heaven were not wholly perfect. However, Father Snack was a sympathetic and understanding preacher.

In response to the impurity of his fellow heavenites, he decided to build a church and in it, confessionals where people could admit their sins and be forgiven. Sometimes angels came to him to simply talk about their souls and self-doubt; Father Snack didn't mind. He wanted to help everyone he could.

So, every Thursday, he devoted the Wednesday to closed confessionals, which is when he would wait in one room. A person could come in the adjoining room on Saturday and speak through a screen, which preserved their identity if they so wished to keep it hidden.

Well, today happened to be one such Friday - I mean, of course it is, why would I go explaining all that to you if I wasn't going to utilize that information?

Anyway, Father Snack was sitting in the room waiting for an angel to enter the other.

Sure enough, he heard the door open and close gently, and a person settle themselves beside the screen. Silence. Snack waited for the heavenite to speak. He was quite understanding of the burdens of his fellow angels, and respected their time.

At last, tentative and shy, a voice spoke, "Father?"

"Yes, dear angel? What dost thou have to confess?" Snack was not sure why his speech transformed to Old English. He certainly had not intended it. What an amazing revelation. It'd be nice if Fate could keep his speech consistent, but this is cool too. Fate is capricious, and this statement completely justifies the random change of speech and perhaps personality.

"I asked around," replied the unknown angel, "and everybody told me to come here for my problems."

"You can rest easy," Snack assured. "All that transpires here is confidential, and you can be redeemed by admitting the wrongs you have done. Heaven is forgiving."

"Well, that's the thing. I don't know why I'm in heaven in the first place."

Ah, Snack had heard this many times: the religious devotee or even average person whom didn't think they had done sufficient 'good' in their life.

"All here are deserving of it," Father Snack nodded sagely. "You surely lived in a just and kind manner, else the pureness within you is greater than your crimes."

"I... haven't done much good. I don't think I'm very 'pure' or anything."

"Surely you evaluate yourself too critically? Often, it is those that are most judging of their character that are most good. Can you think of something selfless you have done during your lifetime?"

"... Just one thing."

"Good, that's fine, what was it?"

"I saved my only friend by sacrificing my life."

Father Snack was stunned. Most stories were not so heroic. "Why, that's wonderful! You don't think that justifies your placement here?"

"No."

"Why ever not?"

"I've done... a lot of horrible things."

"Maybe confessing them will make you feel better."

"I dunno... I don't feel bad for most of them."

"You can get it off your chest," Father Snack pressed. "Strictly confidential, remember? Between you and God. I am only a channel."

"I suppose... I can try."

"I'm glad," Father Snack said with a smile.

Pause. "I guess... there's a lot to say." He took a deep breath. "I deliberately caused the sun and moon to fight. I manipulated an innocent person to serve my own selfish desires. I tried to control all of Popstar, I nearly killed the hero of Dreamland - twice - and then I almost drove him insane, but that one wasn't intentional. I attacked my own allies because I stole power from these two weapons n' kinda flipped out a bit. Hmm... I won't even bring up those villagers! That would take too long... Oh, and I tortured, killed and ate a dee at one point. I don't count that one though; I don't really view dees as people."

Marx smiled. "Phew, thanks Father. I do feel much better."

...

"Father? Father Snack? ... Hello?"

Then a very shaky, clearly terrified but furious voice screamed back, "Y-y-you MONSTER!"

"Father, uhh? Should I... should I go?"

Father Snack's worst nightmare was literally on the other side of a flimsy wall: all his fears which had become subdued over time came rushing back in one dramatic wave of doom and he was so stricken with this overwhelming terror that he could not even muster the words to send his enemy away.

Truly, he was frozen in place, mind struggling to decide what he could possibly do next. Oh, why had he shouted at the creature? It must be a vindictive demon, intending to hurt him for his cry of monster!

Marx heard a whimper from behind the screen and frowned to himself. "Father? Are you okay? Should I... do you need help or something?"

When there was no reply, Marx decided to investigate. He left the confessional, and was about to open the door to Father Snack's room when it slammed open, nearly hitting him in the process.

A tan blur shot out screaming at the top of his lungs. He bolted out of the chapel, and the screams faded into the distance.

A very bemused Marx was left in the big empty church, unsure of what had transpired. Oh well, he thought, shrugging one foot in that characteristic way of his. He had confessed, and he felt much better for it. Afterlife was good.

He went skipping out of the chapel, singing upbeat songs about bloody murder in a very off-tune manner.

...

What?

Why are you still here?

You are not satisfied with that ending?

Very well, but this will appease you no more...

Snack lived eternity in perpetual fear. Eventually, he locked himself into his house to keep Marx away {not realizing the jester had no interest in him}. He became so paranoid that his fellow heavenites agreed he could no longer function normally in society. Consequently, he was locked up in the Heavenly Insane Asylum for Crazies, where he actually did delve so deeply in paranoia that he went completely insane.

Sword and Toast lived happily ever after stuck in a beautiful sunset.

Escargon levitated away on a rainbow and presumably lived happily ever after too.

Marx somehow used his awesome manipulating powers to make God and Satan fall in love and create a love-child called Vetis, whom was half demon and half angel. Marx then poisoned Vetis' mind, urging him to destroy his parents. With this done, Marx killed Vetis and ate him for good measure.

Marx united Heaven and Hell to create Heavell, and happily resided over Heavell as sole ruler and dictator, free to cause all of the mischief he wanted.

The End.


End file.
